Today the National Republican Congressional Committee invited anyone on the internet to sign a petition to repeal Obamacare, then livestreamed a printer as it printed out the personalized petitions, one-by-one. The most logical thing in the world happened next: People trolled the shit out of it.
It seems the “Watch Your Petition Print” livestream ran for only a few glorious minutes before it was shut down after some poor person was overwhelmed trying to pull out all the joke names as they emerged. But not before “Connie Lingus,” “Detective Rex Hardbody,” “Pointless Empty Gesture,” “Weedlord Bonerhitler,” and many, many others had voiced their support of an Obamacare repeal. Here is one collection of a few of the best, via KC Green.
I’M LAUGHING SO HARD AT “POINTLESS EMPTY GESTURE”
Oh look HERE’S MORE.
Right now, it’s at $7.25, which a group of House Democrats are looking to change.
Solution: everyone should work for In-N-Out, where you get paid bank. Minimum wage is $8 in California, which is one of the more expensive states to live in. I can’t imagine having to actually make a living on minimum wage. It’s a damn good thing I still live with my parents.
Dear Senate Republicans: go fuck yourselves.
Just as an aside: White women make 77 cents. Black women make 68 cents. Latina women make 58. But, yeah.
Roger Ailes, Fox News chairman, in a speech at the University of North Carolina
We have one conservative on Fox News.
Fox News, you got 99 problems and CONSERVATIVE HOSTS ARE ALL OF THEM
President Obama, at the Women’s Leadership Forum yesterday, on the GOP’s assault on women’s health
when people ask me why I love Obama so much I kind of just stare at them blankly
That’s our usual reaction too.
I almost just burst into tears. I’m not even joking. I’ve been so angry and sad all the time because there are people running this country that think I’m not a person. They think I can’t make my own decisions. They think my mental and physical health isn’t worth caring about. They think that they have the right to dictate what I can do with my own body. But this guy, this fuckin guy right here, is the head of my country and he says the same thing I do:
Well fuck that.
Rush Limbaugh, explaining last Thursday why there’s no Republican war on women.
Shorter Limbaugh: “We buy you sluts diamonds and dinner! What more do you ungrateful feminazis want?!”
Ah, I see. So bullheaded restrictions on reproductive rights, opposing the Violence Against Women Act, not supporting the Lilly Ledbetter Act, etc… All that is perfectly fine because Republicans buy diamonds for women they’re dating, AMIRITE?!
And yes, Rush. The more you keep running your mouth like this, the more you help Democrats. Democrats would love to focus on the economy, but when the Blunt Amendment is offered before a jobs bill, it’s a little hard.
Rush, you’ve been paid to say terrible shit about ethnic and racial minorities, women, the GLBTQ community, and liberals in general for nearly 30 years.
We’re paying attention now.
Oh, and P.S.: Not all Republicans marry women. Please see Log Cabin Republicans.
For the dudebros who don’t concern themselves with access to birth control, abortion, daycare, etc.—I would love to see how you would manage a life or a career if your plans were constantly being interrupted by pregnancy. I really would.
And before you interject with any “just close your legs! if you don’t want to get pregnant, don’t have sex!” business, please remember one thing: someone out there is getting women pregnant, and it isn’t the Holy Spirit.
You’re bad at this, Rush Limbaugh. You don’t even understand how babies are made, let alone how people can have sex without making a baby, and you would like the government to take over decision-making on these issues on your say-so. And you don’t get it. You biologically don’t get it. You just don’t understand it. You were absent that day. - Rachel Maddow
Oh Rachel, I love you for this segment.
This segment was flawless.
The only thing I wish she’d added at the end was the the reason he may be confused is because he thinks birth control pills have to be taken every time you have sex just like the prescription Viagra pills the he continues to be caught with.
The thing about this whole saga is it’s exposed a whole new facet to the argument- these grown ass men talking about contraceptives literally do not know the first damn thing about them. And not just in the how they work on a biological level, their practical uses, alternate benefits etc. THEY LITERALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT A CONTRACEPTIVE PILL IS. I’ll be honest, I never even considered that in 2012, in the most privileged country in the world there could be hyperprivileged men who didn’t know the superbasics of the contraceptive pill, so I’ve never thought to address that, but FUCK ME, apparently our arguments about complex wombproblems and all that really were lost on them, not only because they’re nasty bigots, but because they literally do not have the mutual information base upon which the relative arguments are formed.
Oh god. The only thing better than this is when Rachel Maddow schooled Mittens on how birth control works.
Republican Alex Castellanos, as quoted by Maureen Dowd, discussing Callista Gingrich. If this quote doesn’t sum up what’s wrong with the Republican party (and Newt, himself) I don’t know what does. Read the rest at the NYT. (via joshsternberg)
Short version: “Those first two wives were like training wheels. Now he can ride a bike.” (via shortformblog)
Are you fucking kidding me right now
“Starter wives.” They’re referred to as “starter wives” like they were there for him to train with, not actual people with very real feelings. Also, apparently the bike has lost its fucking mind.
Occupy all the things
FUCKING ACCURATE AS FUCK